Coffee for Your Heart Archives

Permission to Do Life a Little More Imperfectly

We’re halfway through the year (how did that happen?). If you’re anything like me, your shiny new year’s resolutions now feel like a distant mirage in the rear view mirror of your life. So I’m starting a new thing…half-year’s resolutions.

January is idealistic. July is realistic.

January is confetti. July is grit.

January is all-or-nothing. July is do-what-you-can.

I’m choosing one and only one mid-year resolution and it’s this: The Discipline of Doing It Imperfectly. That’s a fancy name for not letting fear stop me. I recently became aware of a tendency I have to procrastinate until I can get things just right. But as the saying goes, “Done is better than perfect.”

So I’m giving myself permission to go for it when I’m at 90% rather than 110%. For example, I recently sent out a survey that I quickly put together asking you to tell me your biggest challenge as an introvert or extrovert. (I want to know this for a project I’m working on for you so that what I create will be helpful to you and others.)

Normally I would have tried to make this survey absolutely perfect, agonized over it for weeks and then never sent it because I’d convinced myself it wasn’t good enough. But this time I just hit “send.” I would have been thrilled to hear from 100 of you…so far almost 2,000 of you have responded! What?! (And thank you!!)

{my graphics are free goodies for you}

One of my favorite quotes of all time is this one by Jill Churchill: “There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.”

I think that’s true of everything we do.

There’s no way to be a perfect friend, wife, second cousin but there’s a million ways to be a good one.

There’s no way to be a perfect writer, painter, birthday cake maker but there’s a million ways to be a good one.

There’s no way to be a perfect human but there’s a million, zillion ways to be a good one.

This is the miracle we live every day because of Jesus: We can do our best and know that grace will cover the rest.

I read once that when folks are asked at the end of their lives about their deepest regrets, they talk most about what they didn’t do. I don’t want that to be true. So let’s be brave on this day halfway through the year. Let’s refuse to listen to the sneaky voice of fear. Let’s chase perfectionism out like a possum who snuck in through the cat door when we weren’t looking.

We still have half a year. I plan to live it imperfectly.

Who’s with me?

XOXO

Holley Gerth

P.S. The Do What You Can Plan is a 21-day challenge that will help you live purposefully, effectively and imperfectly. And it’s half the price of a latte. Get the ebook now. (This post includes affiliate links.)

P.P.S. If you live near Tulsa, I’d love to see you this Monday! (For more info on the event, how to watch part of it live, or the new gift book and journal pictured, click here.)

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I’m Done Running Away from What Scares Me (You Can Be Too)

by Holley 23 Comments

I’m driving home from lunch with a new friend, replaying the conversation. Fear makes my breathing shallow, my heartbeat fast. What if she doesn’t like me? What if I came across all wrong? I often have moments like this when anxiety gets the best of me and I want to retreat from the whole world.

But this time I pray, “Jesus, help me. I don’t understand why I act this way. I want to be free.” A simple declaration comes to my heart: I am done running away. From now on, I am running toward.

{my graphics are free goodies for you}

I don’t even fully understand what this means but I put on my tennis shoes when I get home. I walk out the door and onto the trail behind our house. I turn on my favorite music and run like my life depends on it. No more, no more, no more, I say with every step.

I think of all I have run away from…how fear has chased me and people-pleasing has set my pace, how anxiety has nipped at my heels like a rogue chihuahua, how the lies have worn me out.

I am done.

I will no longer be a woman who’s defined by what she’s running from.

I am going to run toward grace. I am going to run toward love. I am going to run toward the wild dreams that beckon me in the distance. I am going to run toward boldness and freedom and holy confidence. I am going to run toward Jesus.

I finish, sweaty and spent on the outside, strong and roaring on the inside. I don’t know everything this new perspective means, what exactly I have done. But it feels like something dark and destructive challenged me to a race today.

And I won.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.
{Hebrews 12:1}

XOXO
Holley Gerth

P.S. Will you join me in the journey of living as a fiercehearted woman? Let’s live fully and love bravely — together.

P.S.S. Just so you know, this post includes affiliate links, which means if you click through and make a purchase I may receive a commission (at no additional cost to you). I only share what I believe will be truly helpful. Thanks for your support in this way!

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Happy Fourth of July (Plus A Video to Help You Be Free)

by Holley 10 Comments

{my graphics are free goodies for you}

Happy fourth of July to you and your people!

I’m celebrating with my family today. With my Mama, who is able to visit us for the first time since having emergency bypass surgery in February (thank you again for praying for her!). With my Daddy, who has a heart about as big as Texas where I grew up. With my Granny Eula, who turned 87-years-young yesterday and has this as her life mantra: “Open door, open heart.” With my little brother Stephen, his sweet wife Amber and my two nephews Luke and Shane. With my daughter Lovelle, son-in-law David and granddaughter Eula (yep, named for the Eula above).

I’m thankful for the freedom to be together, to throw hot dogs on the grill, to eat half-melted ice cream, to gather around a table, to laugh and make another memory to take home in our pockets like a souvenir. In other words, I’m thankful for the freedom to love.

What are you grateful for today?

XOXO
Holley

P.S. Part of embracing freedom is knowing what can take us captive. For many of us that’s our phones and social media. If you’ve ever felt distracted, overwhelmed or disconnected (ironically) because of those things then you’re not alone. Jennifer Watson, Suzie Eller and I recently had a conversation where we shared our struggles as well as some simple strategies for screen time that will help you have less stress, deeper relationships and more peace of mind. Subscribers, to see the video please click here to come to holleygerth.com

(Disclaimer: We had some technical difficulties with the image quality at a few points–that’s the hard part about live video. But the audio is strong throughout.)

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Help If Your Weaknesses Ever Drive You Crazy

by Holley 44 Comments

Have you ever been frustrated by your weaknesses? Yep, me too. Let’s talk about a better way to deal with them…

My sweet Mama tells me in fourth grade I did my science project on birth order types that advanced all the way to regionals. I studied Kevin Leman’s classic Birth Order Book and diligently quizzed my friends to see if their personal characteristics matched up to the descriptions. I, no surprise, am a firstborn. I lean hard toward perfectionism and responsibility.

I’ve been fascinated with figuring out myself and others ever since. So when the Enneagram became a hot topic again recently I had to check it out. If you’re not familiar with it, the Enneagram is a framework of nine different personality types. While many personality frameworks focus on outward behavior, the Enneagram is more about inward motivation. It’s also not simply an applauding of strengths; it’s a revealer of weaknesses.

{my graphics are free goodies for you}

I’m a One on the Enneagram. This means, among other things, that I have a very loud inner critic and I’m almost constantly focused on the gap between what is and what could or should be. When I found this out it temporarily depressed me because it was so true. But then I realized this: I belong to Jesus, who is a transformer and redeemer, a heart-filler and a difference maker. I serve the God who said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9).

What this means to me, and I think to you too, is that whenever we discover a weakness in our lives there is always a flip side. When I’m living in my flesh I’m a perfectionist. When I’m living in the Spirit I’m a potentialist—someone who can see the best in others and help them grow into all they’re created to be.

What’s one thing you might label as a weakness in your life? What’s the hidden strength within it? The answer may not immediately come to mind. If so, take it to Jesus and ask Him to show you. Take it to people who really know and love you. Sit with it. Give it time.

The wonderful, hard thing about being a human is that the best and worst of us is tangled up together all the time. If we spend our time and energy trying to eliminate our weaknesses completely then we’re going to end up frustrated and disappointed. What we can do instead is surrender our weaknesses to the God who made us and ask Him to show us the strengths hidden inside them, like the diamonds or gold. (It seems many worthwhile things require a bit of digging in the dark to find.)

There is beautiful strength in your weakness. There is beautiful strength in mine.

I’m curious… What’s your birth order? What’s your Enneagram type? I’d love to hear! (Subscribers, to leave a comment please click here and come to holleygerth.com rather than replying to the email. Thanks!)

XOXO
Holley Gerth

P.S. If you’d like to learn about the Enneagram I’d recommend starting with this quiz by Ian Cron to find out your type before reading the book The Path Between Us by Suzanne Stabile. I’ve read several books, listened to podcasts and researched extensively online but those two resources have been the most helpful to me.

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You’re invited to join the “Let’s Have Coffee” link up! Simply write a post that has the kind of encouragement you’d share with a friend over coffee and then add it here (the link up goes live at 5:30am CT every Wednesday). Don’t have a blog? You can still write an encouraging comment. If you’re reading this by email, go to holleygerth.com to see all the fun and join in too.

When you link up your post, take a moment to leave an encouraging comment on the one that’s linked up just before yours. Thanks, friends!

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It’s Okay If We Don’t Have It All Figured Out

by Holley 25 Comments

When I drive I often become lost in thought, which tends to lead to being lost in my car. The other evening I got off on the wrong exit. No big deal, I told myself, I’ll just turn on this random road. It looks like it goes north. (Never mind that my brain thinks whatever direction I’m facing is north.)

Needless to say, this road did not take me home. Instead it took me into scary places where no one had bothered to put street lights. I was sure Big Foot was going to appear. I heard wolves howling (or they could have been chihuahuas—it didn’t matter at this point). I hit potholes the size of the Grand Canyon. I prayed relentlessly, “Help me, Jesus” because I was sure I would soon meet Him face-to-face.

Then, suddenly, I saw a stoplight. When I pulled up to it, sweaty, exhausted and grateful to be alive, I realized it was the exact same spot where I had taken the original wrong turn. I had, in effect, driven in a square right back to where I started. It had been five minutes. At this point I turned myself over to the GPS, whose voice guided me the rest of the way without further incident.

{my graphics are free goodies for you}

Once the danger had passed I thought of these words from Proverbs 3:5-6 (because everything in my life seems to turn into some sort of spiritual analogy): Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the one who will keep you on track.

It’s the “don’t depend on your own understanding” part that’s hard for me. Because sometimes I just know that I’m right, that I have it all figured out, that I’m heading “north” in whatever decision I’m making. But so often I find myself on a back road where I don’t belong, scared out of my wits and just hoping I’m not about to be abducted by aliens.

When I don’t know where I’m headed in the next moment or day or year I feel stressed and anxious and slightly guilty. I feel like I have to guess or just do my best rather than relying on something outside myself, like the GPS in my car or the Spirit of God within me. I’m in a season that feels this way. And I have been freaking out because of it. Just this morning a friend said to me, “Maybe you’re not supposed to figure this out.” My whole soul sighed in relief at those words.

So just in case you’re wired a bit like me (or love someone who is) let’s tell ourselves all over again: We don’t have to figure everything out on our own.

True confession: Living this way doesn’t feel like “north” to me yet. It feels scary and awkward and as if I’m losing control. But I’m slowly discovering it’s actually what I want and need most. Trust, not trying hard, is what leads me into peace and rest and even joy. It’s the only way home for my wandering, worrying heart.

XOXO
Holley

P.S. If you need a little dose of encouragement each morning (I know I do!), I wrote this for you.

P.P.S. Are you on Instagram? If so, I’d love to connect with you there.

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When you link up your post, take a moment to leave an encouraging comment on the one that’s linked up just before yours. Thanks, friends!

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