Coffee for Your Heart Archives

What We Need More than Self-Esteem

I’m part of a panel at a women’s event and those of us on stage are asked, “Do you ever struggle with confidence? It looks like all of you have it all together.” I’ve been asked this before, told this before, and it still surprises and startles me. Because I can see my insides. I know my messes and my crazy, mistakes and stumbles, how I’ve wrestled with depression and anxiety like wild alligators, how my heart has the scars to prove it.

The woman who gets the microphone first is lovely and confident, outgoing and articulate. By the time it’s my turn my heart is pounding, I’m sweating and I feel like I have something in my nose (which always happens when I’m speaking in public). I tell the audience all this and they laugh with me, thankfully.

{my graphics are free goodies for you}

Then I also say what God has been putting on my heart, what has been saving me from myself, what has been making me stronger and bolder in ways that are catching me by surprise. I declare to this group of women and to my imperfect self, “What I’ve been realizing lately is this: The world tells us we need to have self-esteem but what we really need is holy confidence.”

For years I tried to prove I was enough. Perfect enough. Good enough. Experienced enough. Smart enough. Pretty enough. But it’s only when we come to the place where we can finally say, ‘I’m not enough but Jesus is’ that our hearts get free.

The reality is we will always fall short of the expectations of others and ourselves. But it doesn’t matter because our scandalous God, our gracious Savior, declares we are beloved and chosen and empowered anyway.

Self-esteem says we can do it.

Holy confidence says, in spite of us, God will.

In the moments when I’m insecure and afraid, when my heart is pounding, my hands are sweating and it feels like there’s something in my nose, that’s the Truth that I really need to know. Maybe, just maybe, I’m not the only one.

XOXO

Holley Gerth

P.S. If you liked this post, you might love Do You Know You’re Already Amazing? 30 Truths to Set Your Heart Free. Want a preview of the devotional? Here’s a free chapter.

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You’re invited to join the “Let’s Have Coffee” link up! Simply write a post that has the kind of encouragement you’d share with a friend over coffee and then add it here (the link up goes live at 5:30am CT every Wednesday). Don’t have a blog? You can still write an encouraging comment. If you’re reading this by email, go to holleygerth.com to see all the fun and join in too.

When you link up your post, take a moment to leave an encouraging comment on the one that’s linked up just before yours. Thanks, friends!

{Want to share a word of encouragement on Twitter? Click this link and then tweet!}

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Yep, You’re a World-Changer

by Holley 16 Comments

Someone recently asked me if I considered myself to be a world-changer. When I got my wits about me again I said this: “My sweet Daddy once told me, ‘I pray every day that your words will touch the heart of one woman who will touch the hearts of her family who will touch the hearts of their community who will touch the world.’”

{my graphics are free goodies for you}

I believe being a world-changer simply means touching the heart of one person at a time through whatever gifts we’ve been given right where we are today. That one person for you might be a friend, coworker, someone in your family or a stranger on the street. Your gift might be words or encouraging, organizing or baking, leading or creating spreadsheets.

Let’s never believe the myth I’m sometimes tempted to, the one that says only certain people get to be world-changers, the kind who seem to do big, extraordinary things. God alone is big and extraordinary. He uses small, ordinary people to change the world every day because that’s the only kind there are, the only kind there will ever be.

That includes you and me.

XOXO

Holley Gerth

P.S. I answered this question as part of a panel discussion at an event celebrating my friend and fellow writer Suzie Eller’s new book, The Spirit-Led Heart. You can watch a video of the whole event including the panel, worship and a powerful encouraging message from Suzie.

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When you link up your post, take a moment to leave an encouraging comment on the one that’s linked up just before yours. Thanks, friends!

{Want to share a word of encouragement on Twitter? Click this link and then tweet!}

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We are Broken. We are Beautiful. We Are Beloved.

by Holley 16 Comments

If we could have coffee today I’d say, “Our brokenness is not too much for God.”

As I drove home one day in a difficult season, the pain I felt seemed especially pointless and in turn, my life did too. “God,” I whispered, “how can You use me when I’m so broken?”

{my graphics are free goodies for you}

A song came on the radio that repeated a verse from Isaiah over and over again: “He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed” (Is. 53:5).

I started singing along with the words. As I did it seemed God whispered to my soul, “You think you have to take what’s broken and make it perfect in order to be used by Me. But I think in a completely different way. I took what was perfect, My Son, and made Him broken so that you could be whole. And because you belong to Him, your brokenness can bring healing to others too.”

It’s a crazy, upside-down way of thinking. But it’s true. God has used my brokenness in ways I never expected. It’s become part of who I am, a surprisingly beautiful part. Like a mosaic, God has put my heart together again. He will do the same for yours.

XOXO

Holley

You’ll find more encouragement like this in You’re Already Amazing.

Looking for a creative, last-minute Mother’s Day gift? Use this link to sponsor a little girl in honor of a mama in your life through Compassion International and get a free copy of Fiercehearted too.

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Our Fiercehearted link-up series is finished! Starting this week we’ll have a “Let’s Have Coffee” link-up instead. Simply write a post that has the kind of encouragement you’d share with a friend over coffee and then add it here (the link-up goes live at 5:30am CT every Wednesday). Don’t have a blog? You can still write an encouraging comment. If you’re reading this by email, go to holleygerth.com to see all the fun and join in too.

When you link up your post, take a moment to leave an encouraging comment on the one that’s linked up just before yours. Thanks, friends!

{Want to share a word of encouragement on Twitter? Click this link and then tweet!}

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Prodigal Sons, Big Brothers and Beloved Daughters

by Holley 22 Comments

{my graphics are free goodies for you}

I’ve read the story of the prodigal son. Most of us have. We know the plot well. The son rebels. The father waits. The son comes home. The father runs to him. But what I have never really noticed, what my anxious, try-hard heart missed in this story is the father pursued the older son too.

The older son is busy working hard in the fields when his little brother shows up. It seems big brother is likely the striver and performer, the perfectionist of the family. He has done his part. He has sacrificed. He has held it all together. This might be why he can’t make himself go inside the party celebrating the return of the prodigal. Because this is not the way he believes life works. In his world, you hustle for your worth. You trade effort for affection. You earn everything that’s given to you.

So the older brother stands outside, alone.

I have been there. I have lived this story.

That’s why what comes next is so beautiful to me. “His father came out and entreated him” (Luke 15:28). The word entreated means to ask someone earnestly. The father wants his son to come into the house, the place of belonging, into a space of grace.

The father has entreated me too…

“Holley, will you believe that I truly love you?”

“Will you trust that your worth rests not on what you do but what I’ve done for you?”

“Will you stop performing and rest in My grace?”

Then the father calls the older brother “Dear Son” (Luke 15:31). It is a reminder of his true identity. When we are hustling and working hard we can so easily forget who we are and how much we’re loved.

The father also says, “You have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours” (Luke 15:31). In other words, “Remember our relationship. Remember you have no reason to strive, nothing to prove.”

As I write this I’m almost undone by the tenderness of the father.

The story ends and we don’t know if the older son ever chooses to go in. But I know this: today I’m stepping back into the house. Today I’m choosing to belong. Today I’m going to believe what the Father says to and about me.

Sometimes people ask, “Are you the prodigal or the older brother in this story?” I always have trouble answering because I think we are all both sons—we have wandering hearts and work-for-my-worth hands. We are rebels and perfectionists. And, thankfully, we all have a Father who comes for us, who never stops loving us, who knows us even better than we know ourselves.

We are the prodigal son and the older brother, yet we don’t have to live as either. We can choose to live as someone else entirely different today, the role our Father wants most for you, me and all our sisters: Being the beloved daughter.

XOXO
Holley Gerth

P.S. If you’re looking for a creative Mother’s Day gift, here’s an idea for you: Sponsor a little girl through Compassion International in honor of a Mama in your life. One of the best way to say “thanks” is to pay it forward, right? And when you do so through this link, you’ll get a gift too–a free copy of Fiercehearted! Changed life, Mother’s Day gift, a little something for you. That’s some fabulous multitasking right there.

P.P.S. If you know a high school or college student who is graduating this May, a woman with a God-sized dream who longs to bring glory to God as she lives with passion and purpose in the middle of all the crazy, this book might be the perfect gift!

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Right now, we’re doing a special link-up series to celebrate Fiercehearted: Live Fully, Love Bravely. You’re a fiercehearted woman so I’m asking you to pour out a little love and courage with your words every Wednesday {the link-up goes live at 5:30am CST}. Simply write an encouraging blog post, especially if it’s about living fully and loving bravely, and then share it here. Don’t have a blog? You can still write an encouraging comment. If you’re reading this by email, go to holleygerth.com to see all the fun and join in too.

When you link up your post, take a moment to leave an encouraging comment on the one that’s linked up just before yours. Thanks, friends!

I’m having Coffee For Your Heart with my friend Holley Gerth!

{click to tweet that you’re joining me here today}

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Hurt, Hope and Making it through Life’s Hard Times

by Holley 31 Comments

{my graphics are free goodies for you}

The other day someone asked me about our infertility. It felt a bit like being asked about an old scar, one that has faded and become so familiar it feels more like a freckle.

This question was part of a radio interview; the host wanted to know what I would say to a woman in a similar situation. I paused for a very long time, reaching back into those memories like one might a trunk in the attic.

I pulled out a single memory like a brightly colored scarf. I held it up to the light and watched the dust drift down. The scene on it was a particular Christmas morning. We were visiting my in-laws and I felt certain I was pregnant. I jumped out of bed and practically skipped to the bathroom only to be devastated again. My husband found me and put his arms around me, my tears soaking his t-shirt.

I could sense the silence on the radio line. I cleared my throat. “Feel the hurt,” I said to the interviewer, “It is real. Cry the tears. Yell into the pillow. Be sad and mad and confused.”

Then I thought of another memory in my life, a morning curled up under the covers, Bible in my hand, coffee next to me. God took me to the third chapter of Genesis where Eve is called the mother of all living. I began to understand in that moment all women are mothers because all women bring life into the world in some way. I started to believe my story might be different than what I imagined—but it could still be good (and it is).

“Feel the hope,” I said to the interviewer, “It is real. Embrace the unexpected. Trust the story is still being written. Be curious and strong and brave.”

You may not have walked through infertility but if you are alive on this spinning earth then you know what it is to have trouble and heartbreak. You know what it is to be disappointed or discouraged or tired. I think in those moments we tend to choose one of the options above.

We ignore everything but the hurt.

Or we ignore everything but the hope.

We do this because we’re afraid. We think if we don’t hope then we can’t be disappointed. Or if we don’t hurt the pain can’t overcome us. We might have some mixed up spiritual ideas—that God doesn’t like certain emotions (even though He created them all) or that pure suffering somehow brings Him more glory.

But the reality is hurt and hope are part of every hard experience. “Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God!” (Psalm 42:5).

Hurt reveals our emotions to us so we can heal. Hope gives us the strength to persevere through that process. The wound slowly transforms. Then one day someone asks us about it and we’re a bit startled because we suddenly realize what once felt like it might kill us has, in fact, taught us something about being fully alive.

We don’t have to be afraid of hurt.

We don’t have to be afraid to hope.

They are both part of what makes us who we are, part of our beauty and strength and scars.

XOXO
Holley Gerth

P.S. Sometimes when I’m battling lies or going through a hard time, I find myself reaching for Do You Know You’re Already Amazing?: 30 Truths to Set Your Heart Free. I hope that it will be a kind companion for you, no matter what page of the story you’re on today.

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When you link up your post, take a moment to leave an encouraging comment on the one that’s linked up just before yours. Thanks, friends!

I’m having Coffee For Your Heart with my friend Holley Gerth!

{click to tweet that you’re joining me here today}

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