What Our Hearts Need When We Feel Intimidated

One day her heart discovered this: the best cure for intimidation is intimacy.

 {my graphics are free goodies for you}

Two friends and I stand under a lovely early evening sky. We’ve just come from a gathering of women, the kind that is both wonderful and vulnerable at the same time. “That was intimidating,” one of us says.

We all nod in agreement. Then we talk about how this happens, how we can be with people we like and admire and hold dear, and then all of a sudden the enemy is whispering lies in our ears.

My signature lie is, “You’re not good enough.” When I hear this my mind startles like a thoroughbred racehorse. My thoughts are out of the gate before I even fully realize what’s happening. I need to try harder. I need to do more. The staccato sentences pound like hooves against a track.

When I confess this out loud to my two friends I find, of course, I’m not the only one. Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar too. “What do we do about this?” our little group asks each other. Then suddenly I say something that has never occurred to me before in all my years on this spinning earth (when that happens I tend to think Jesus had something to do with it).

“I think the cure for intimidation is intimacy.”

We first need intimacy with Jesus because He is the One whose voice tells us who we really are, who we’re created to be, what’s true of us no matter how we feel in any given moment. He says we are loved and chosen, wonderfully made and part of His plan.

Then we need intimacy with others—safe places where we can say to each other, “I don’t have it all together.” We are all more alike than different. We are all broken and beloved daughters in need of a Savior. And we need intimacy with our own hearts too. Because when we don’t take time to discover who we are, we feel a lot of pressure to be someone else.

Next time I feel insecure I’m going to pause and ask myself, “How can I choose intimacy instead of intimidation right now?” I can type that and it sounds so spiritual and mature but I will likely be a) hiding under a table b) eating too many cookies to calm myself down c) making a face like a crazed monkey in a social situation where that’s not appropriate d) all of the above.

That conversation on a spring evening with my friends felt like a start to something freeing and new. So in case you’ve ever felt like me, I wanted to pass it along to you. If you were standing there with us, what would you have said? What helps you when you feel intimidated, especially by other women?

Holley Gerth

P.S. Have you heard of The Encouragement Project? It’s an ebook I wrote with you in mind, my friends who long to encourage others but aren’t sure where to begin. It’s on sale for $1.99 right now, and inside you’ll find prayers based on God’s Word to help you pray for the person you love, specific words for when you’re not sure what to say, practical ideas for small and simple ways to show you care, and encouraging devotional thoughts for your heart too. Find out more here!


Right now, we’re doing a special link-up series to celebrate Fiercehearted: Live Fully, Love Bravely. You’re a fiercehearted woman so I’m asking you to pour out a little love and courage with your words every Wednesday {the link-up goes live at 5:30am CST}. Simply write an encouraging blog post, especially if it’s about living fully and loving bravely, and then share it here. Don’t have a blog? You can still write an encouraging comment. If you’re reading this by email, go to holleygerth.com to see all the fun and join in too.

When you link up your post, take a moment to leave an encouraging comment on the one that’s linked up just before yours. Thanks, friends!

I’m having Coffee For Your Heart with my friend Holley Gerth!

{click to tweet that you’re joining me here today}

[inlinkz_linkup id=771849 mode=1]

About Holley

About Holley

Wall Street Journal Bestselling Author and Life Coach

I like humans, words, and good coffee. And I’d love to help you beat what’s holding you back, become all you’re created to be, and kick butt for the greater good.

Cheering you on,


Never Miss a Thing

Join Holley’s mailing list to receive the latest news, blog posts, and updates

What % Introvert Are You?

 My 1-Minute Quiz Will Tell You

New Book You’ll Love!

Writing Course for You!