I need you. You need me. {And that’s good.}

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A hard day hits me. On the way home, I consider calling an encouraging friend. “I don’t want to bother her,” I tell myself, “I should be able to deal with this.” I stomp through the door and sling my purse on the counter. Then I eat too many cookie or snap at my husband or {insert your most common “bad day” scenario here}.

The next morning I wake up with regret and guilt on top of yesterday’s struggles. I sigh and stare at the ceiling, “What is the matter with me?” I wonder, “Why can’t I get it together?

As I ponder and pray about this more I realize I don’t need to get it together. I need to get together with someone who can help me.

Friend, here’s a reality we often don’t like but that can set us free: too much independence leads to sin dependence.

In other words, the needs of our hearts are going to get met one way or another. When it comes to our struggles, God intended for them to get met in relationships. We need “Jesus with skin on. If that doesn’t happen, we’re going to fill the void in ways that are not his best for us.

When I worked as a counselor, I saw the same scenario over and over again. A sweet woman would walk through the door and tell me how she’d spent hours praying, months doing Bible study, and every other spiritual discipline she could think of. With tears in her eyes she’d ask, “Why isn’t it working?”

I believe the answer is that many of us {including me for many years} have believed this myth: If we have God, we shouldn’t need other people. But that’s simply not true. Our need for others is by design. It’s not sinful. God declared it was “not good for man to be alone” before the fall.

When we don’t connect with the body of Christ then we will form an unhealthy relationship with something else like food, alcohol or material possessions. Here’s the reality: it can feel safer to go through life disconnected. But it’s actually impossible to do so. Our hearts will bond with something.

You’re made for relationship. I’m made for relationship. And, yes, we’re connected to God but we are also created to experience his love through other people. If we’re living in continual isolation then we’re living in conflict with God’s design for us. You’re responsible for connecting with someone–even if it’s just a counselor at first. I hope you hear the love in those words, friend.

The cries of your heart for connection aren’t meant to be muffled. They’re meant to be heard and and answered. Yes, in this fallen, broken world it may take some time to find truly safe people. It’s a process and our part is simply to be willing to enter into it.

If you need others in your life ask God to send them and begin intentionally putting yourself in places where your paths can cross.

If you already have strong relationships ask God how you can go even deeper in bonding with those people.

Our need for others is not a weakness. It’s a strength. Perhaps our greatest one.

We’re better together.

I call my friend. She laughs with me about my crazy day, shares some wisdom and reminds me about a little thing called grace.

We hang up the call but I don’t feel disconnected at all.

And I’m finally ready for a new day.


p.s. Are you a leader in a women’s ministry or organization? I’m creating a facebook group for women leading women. The purpose is to connect, encourage and help each other grow. I’d love for you to be part of it. If you’d like to be added, send me a note on facebook {not an email} saying, “Please add me to the Women Leading Women group.” You can invite other leaders in your life to join too!

About Holley

About Holley

Wall Street Journal Bestselling Author and Life Coach

I like humans, words, and good coffee. And I’d love to help you beat what’s holding you back, become all you’re created to be, and kick butt for the greater good.

Cheering you on,


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