Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

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I take a deep breath and step out of my car. I’m meeting up with two friends. One I’ve known for years. She’s already aware of all my faults and quirks. She’s seen my hair at its best and worst. We’ve shed tears and shared laughter. I’m safe with her.

But the other girl joining us is someone I don’t know as well yet. I like her—she’s smart, funny and creative. And I really want her to think the same of me.

I notice I’m more aware of what I say and how I respond to questions. I try a little harder to be funny or maybe even a little bit cool (which never works for me). I analyze the conversation instead of just letting my words flow freely. At some point I realize what I’m doing and pause for a moment. What is this all about?

I’ve bought into the lie that if I can just make this new girl like all of me then surely we’ll be friends. But I look at my other friend, the one who’s known me forever, and know right then this isn’t a tactic that’s going to be effective. Because what we really want aren’t people we can impress; we want people who will love us anyway.

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

The reality is I’m a flawed human being. I’m not perfect today and I won’t be tomorrow, next year or on the day I take my final breath. I’m also a woman created by God with strengths, gifts and much to offer. We all are.

What we really need from each other is not a pared down version of ourselves that’s been polished and carefully presented. We need to show up as we are because that’s the only way we actually feel less alone.

I decide then and there to stop trying so hard. I let my shoulders relax and lean into the conversation so I can be fully present instead of lost in my own worries. Maybe this friendship will grow—I hope so. But if not, it will be okay too. We don’t need the whole world to love us as we are (that’s impossible); we just need a few brave folks. And the best way to start finding those grace-givers is to dare to be one ourselves.


Holley Gerth

* Want more encouragement about risk, fear and friendship? Take a look at this Word Girls Tribe video I did with Jennifer Watson and Suzie Eller!

* If you liked this post you’ll love this book – You’re Loved No Matter What: Freeing Your Heart from the Need to Be Perfect

* Looking for a study to do with a group this fall or next spring? Check out the You’re Already Amazing LifeGrowth Guide and free videos.


Welcome to the Coffee for Your Heart weekly link-up! You’re an encourager so I’m asking you to pour out a little love with your words every Wednesday {link-up goes live at 5:30am CST}. Simply write an encouraging blog post and then share it here. Don’t have a blog? You can still write an encouraging comment. If you’re reading this by email, go to to see all the fun and join in too.

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I’m having Coffee For Your Heart with my friend Holley Gerth

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About Holley

About Holley

Wall Street Journal Bestselling Author and Life Coach

I like humans, words, and good coffee. And I’d love to help you beat what’s holding you back, become all you’re created to be, and kick butt for the greater good.

Cheering you on,


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