I’m part of a panel at a women’s event and those of us on stage are asked, “Do you ever struggle with confidence? It looks like all of you have it all together.” I’ve been asked this before, told this before, and it still surprises and startles me. Because I can see my insides. I know my messes and my crazy, mistakes and stumbles, how I’ve wrestled with depression and anxiety like wild alligators, how my heart has the scars to prove it.
The woman who gets the microphone first is lovely and confident, outgoing and articulate. By the time it’s my turn my heart is pounding, I’m sweating and I feel like I have something in my nose (which always happens when I’m speaking in public). I tell the audience all this and they laugh with me, thankfully.
{my graphics are free goodies for you}
Then I also say what God has been putting on my heart, what has been saving me from myself, what has been making me stronger and bolder in ways that are catching me by surprise. I declare to this group of women and to my imperfect self, “What I’ve been realizing lately is this: The world tells us we need to have self-esteem but what we really need is holy confidence.”
For years I tried to prove I was enough. Perfect enough. Good enough. Experienced enough. Smart enough. Pretty enough. But it’s only when we come to the place where we can finally say, ‘I’m not enough but Jesus is’ that our hearts get free.
The reality is we will always fall short of the expectations of others and ourselves. But it doesn’t matter because our scandalous God, our gracious Savior, declares we are beloved and chosen and empowered anyway.
Self-esteem says we can do it.
Holy confidence says, in spite of us, God will.
In the moments when I’m insecure and afraid, when my heart is pounding, my hands are sweating and it feels like there’s something in my nose, that’s the Truth that I really need to know. Maybe, just maybe, I’m not the only one.
XOXO
Holley Gerth
P.S. If you liked this post, you might love Do You Know You’re Already Amazing? 30 Truths to Set Your Heart Free. Want a preview of the devotional? Here’s a free chapter.
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