Here’s the reality: I’ve yet to meet a woman who doesn’t struggle with the pressure to be perfect. Even the ones who seem to have it all together. Maybe especially those who seem to have it all together.
I’ve personally wrestled with the need to be “perfect” most of my life. The struggle began in my teenage years when I realized there were expectations to be met in every area of my life—school, social relationships, and even spirituality. I learned to hold my true emotions inside and perform so that I would be accepted.
On one particular day my boyfriend broke up with me, and I felt devastated. But I walked into my next class with a forced smile. Fortunately, someone loved me enough not to let me get away with it. A friend took me by the shoulders, looked straight at me, and said, “Holley, stop faking it.”
Although I made some progress, I never really figured out how to stop trying so hard in high school. By the time I graduated, I had come to believe I could never live up to the standards and expectations. So when I went to college, I took a chain saw to the pedestal I’d been placed on and completely rebelled. I made poor choices and ended up miserable. Then I truly felt trapped. I didn’t want to be perfect, but I also knew my destructive way of living had to stop.
God began relentlessly pursuing my heart in that in-between place between law and grace. He sent people into my life who accepted me in all my brokenness. He caught me when I fell. He revealed the legalism and lies that had led me to this cage of desperation. I learned—or perhaps relearned—that walking with Jesus is always first and foremost about a relationship. My heart had begun to heal.
Then I got married and began a career. In my midtwenties my husband and I decided to start a family. Only it didn’t turn out the way we planned. Years of infertility and loss led me to struggle desperately for control of my life. I thought if I could just do everything right, then surely God would give me what I wanted. But he didn’t. I fell into depression, and he met me again in that place. He showed me once more how hard I’d been trying to keep it all together. And in that season, I learned how love could hold me together even when my world fell apart.
God has continued to peel back layers of perfectionism in my life bit by bit. He’s restored me in more ways than I even knew I needed, and he continues to do so. And he’s given me a passion for seeing other women get free too.
Sharing our stories can be the first step in healing. Scripture says, “We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.”
photo by my dear friend Jennifer Watson
What’s your story of wrestling with trying to be “perfect”? How is God setting you free?
XOXO
Holley Gerth
Inspired by my new book, You’re Loved No Matter What: Freeing Your Heart from the Need to Be Perfect
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Welcome to the Coffee for Your Heart weekly link-up! You’re an encourager so I’m asking you to pour out a little love with your words every Wednesday {link-up goes live at 5:30am CST}. Simply write an encouraging blog post and then share it here. Don’t have a blog? You can still write an encouraging comment. If you’re reading this by email, go to holleygerth.com to see all the fun and join in too.
Giveaway and Optional Writing Prompt: For the next few weeks, the Wednesday posts are going to be about getting free from the pressure to be perfect. I’ll have an optional writing prompt for you about that topic. If you write about it, link up and include my new book You’re Loved No Matter What: Freeing Your Heart from the Need to Be Perfect in your post somewhere, you’ll be entered to win a God’s Heart for You necklace {U.S. residents only}. Thanks to DaySpring for providing the necklaces! Congratulations to Janice Yates for winning last week! If you don’t have a blog, you can share today’s post on Facebook, leave a comment here saying you did and answer the prompt in your comment.
The prompt for today was: Part of getting free from the pressure to be perfect is knowing nothing can separate us from God’s love. Write a post about your version of Romans 8:38-39 {see above}.
Next Wednesday’s prompt is: What’s your story of wrestling with trying to be “perfect”? How is God setting you free?
Pretty please use this button in your blog post so others can easily join in with us {html code in right sidebar}. And when you link up your post, take a moment to leave an encouraging comment on the one that’s linked up just before yours. Thanks, friends!
I’m having Coffee For Your Heart with my friend Holley Gerth
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