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On a recent evening my daughter and I met for a writing date. We spread our laptops out on a wood-topped table in a corner booth of our favorite place. We ate delicious soup and clicked on our keyboards.
In between paragraphs we’d talk and at some point our conversation drifted to an area in which I’ve personally struggled. I’d never shared this with her and I felt afraid about doing so.
I’m supposed to be her Mama after all. What if this made her feel unsure of me, unsafe in some way? But it seemed God kept nudging so I cleared my throat and said, “There have been times in my life when this thing we’re talking about has been a struggle for me.”
She looked at me and said, without hesitation, “It helps to know you have struggles too.” It felt like she handed me a piece of freedom my heart hungered for, like passing a bite of crusty bread across the table. Because don’t we all do this? We tell ourselves that to be a helpful example we must be a flawless one. But this has never been the way, what our people really need.
Then I said, “We don’t have secrets in our family. I want you to know that there is nothing you could ever tell me that would make me love you less. You can come to me with anything and there will never be any judgment. And if you feel like anything in your life is ever coming after you, I will stand with you and we will fight it together.”
As those words came out of my mouth it suddenly seemed that corner booth became holy ground. Because I understood in a way I never had before what this means: “There is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus” (Rom. 8:1) and “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Rom. 8:31).
What I said to my daughter our Heavenly Father says to us today, right here and now: “We don’t have secrets in our family. I want you to know that there is nothing you could ever tell Me that would make Me love you less. You can come to Me with anything and there will never be judgment. And if you feel like anything in your life is ever coming after you, I will stand with you and we will fight it together.”
This is what I know is true in a deeper way than ever before and I hope my daughter and my granddaughter and all my sisters like you know it too: Whatever we did yesterday, whatever we’re battling today, whatever we may face tomorrow, the love of God for us and the grace of God toward us will never, ever change.
XOXO
Holley Gerth
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Right now, we’re doing a special link-up series to celebrate Fiercehearted: Live Fully, Love Bravely. You’re a fiercehearted woman so I’m asking you to pour out a little love and courage with your words every Wednesday {the link-up goes live at 5:30am CST}. Simply write an encouraging blog post, especially if it’s about living fully and loving bravely, and then share it here. Don’t have a blog? You can still write an encouraging comment. If you’re reading this by email, go to holleygerth.com to see all the fun and join in too.
When you link up your post, take a moment to leave an encouraging comment on the one that’s linked up just before yours. Thanks, friends!
I’m having Coffee For Your Heart with my friend Holley Gerth!
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Your post actually brought tears to my eyes! What a beautiful sentiment to share with your daughter. Loved this!
“We tell ourselves that to be a helpful example we must be a flawless one.” We sure do. But there was only ever one flawless helper. Thanks for this example of being real with our loved ones and others.
“In this family we don’t have secrets”…Just the thought of hearing my Heavenly Father say that to me is so touching. Love this! Thanks for sharing and hosting.
How beautiful to have holy ground moments with your girl!
We all have some.thing.
This is a beautiful and powerful post. May we love more and judge less as we all have our struggles. There is only One who is flawless and we all desperately need Him in our lives. And we need to be more like Him.
What a powerful statement: We don’t have secrets in this family.
I love that, and I think I’ve communicated it to our kids, but I want to stand on the dining room table right now and proclaim it!
Thanks for sharing this time with your daughter.
Beautiful!! Thank you for sharing that moment. I am going to remember your statement as I spend time with my adult children. I am so guilty of covering up my struggles. I teach classes to families that have a loved one with mental illness. The best class I ever taught was when I walked in and said, I have failed this week to use all of the skills I know work. It has been a hard week. We connected as we have never connected before in a new way. It changed the way I teach.
Jesus in us is a secret we can’t keep either.
I needed to hear these words this morning to help get through family crisis.
I loved this post. My daughter was abused by her father for a period of four year until she 9 years. He was a Bible toting preacher’s son, and never would I have imagined this. When this came out, I made a pact with both of my kids. We would have no secrets, and they could tell me anything. We still attend church and have faith that there was a purpose for all the pain. My kids are now in college succeeding at this and still attend church and still tell me anything. There have been times in the past in which some of these conversations were difficult to hear, but I always tell my kids God loves them no matter what. That love doesn’t change and neither does mine. Your post touched my heart on a topic near and dear to me. Thanks for sharing.
Love the timing of this as I negotiate change and trepidation and wondering if I even have the right to be brave. … I’m separated from my husband so there’s a whole pile of baggage and history and soul-searching there.
I wrote this blog just yesterday along those lines
https://thegreenofangels.wordpress.com/2018/04/11/not-as-perilous-as-i-thought/
Beautiful post. I’m going to share it with my teenage daughter! laurensparks.net
Beautiful! I needed this. Thank you, Holly.
Holley,
What powerful words to tell your daughter. There should be no secrets in families. Young people should feel comfortable telling their parents just about anything. We are all flawed human beings in need of a safe place to land without baggage. To think God would say this to me is amazingly powerful!! ““We don’t have secrets in our family. I want you to know that there is nothing you could ever tell me that would make me love you less. You can come to me with anything and there will never be any judgment. And if you feel like anything in your life is ever coming after you, I will stand with you and we will fight it together.” God is for us so who can be against us.
Blessins 🙂