I slide into bed and pull the covers over my head. Even light and noise hurt. I feel weary to my bones. Have I run a marathon? Have I had an incredibly difficult day? Nope, I’ve simply been to a social get together. {Sigh}
Here’s the big confession: Ever since I was a little girl there’s been a part of me I’ve worked hard to hide. It’s the side of me that gave me stomach aches from being in a classroom with other kids all day. The side of me that needed to climb trees and read books alone. The side of me that is much better at listening than talking.
I tried for so long to be different. To be an extrovert. To calm my beating heart in crowds of people. To push through when too much conversation left me absolutely exhausted. After all, I was a Christian. Wasn’t my need to be alone somehow unloving?
After years of research and doctors appointments and visits to counselors I’ve learned this: God has given me a certain kind of nervous system. It’s one that’s highly sensitive. It’s the source of my food allergies, extra-care-required skin and tummy troubles. And it’s why I score off the charts as an introvert when I take personality tests. It makes me more vulnerable to anxiety and depression, and I’ve struggled with both at different times in my life. But it’s also the source of my ability to write, to see things others miss, to form deep relationships, to be a counselor and life coach. It’s not a weakness or strength; it’s both.
And when I try to fight this part of who I am, I always lose. Because it’s essential to the purpose God has created me to carry out. I’m also just flat-out, worn-out from trying harder. I just don’t have it in me anymore. And I’m discovering that when we stop striving there’s finally room for grace.
Most of us wish we could be super human and say “yes” to every request, show up at every event, push past every limit. But that’s not the way we’re created to live. Even Jesus didn’t do that and he was perfect.
Here’s the bottom line: We honor God when we honor who he created us to be.
I’m learning that means sometimes I need to stay home rather than socializing, sometimes I need to email instead of getting on the phone, sometimes I need to skip the group and have coffee with one person at a time, sometimes I need a nap, sometimes I’ve gotta unplug, sometimes I need to disappoint people in the short-term because it’s the only way I can love them well in the long-term.
We must say “yes” to who God created us to be.
We must say “yes” to what He has specifically called us to do.
We must say “yes” to fighting for both of the above in a world that will often ask us to do the opposite.
Lysa Terkeurst calls that process “The Best Yes” and her new book is helping me get free.
For a long time, I said “yes” with my lips. I’m finally learning to say “yes” with my heart. With all that I am. As I am. Even when you can barely hear that “yes” because I’m under the covers hiding out for a bit.
Don’t worry, I’m coming back. And when I do, I’ll be stronger and more loving than ever.
And when you say your “best yes” you will be too.
XOXO
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p.s. This post is part of Lysa TerKeurst’s “The Best Yes” Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with many other inspiring bloggers. To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE.
