“There’s something wrong with me.”
I’ve heard that sentence from dear friends, resilient clients, and strangers whose conversations I can’t help but overhear as I write in coffee shops.
It’s usually whispered. Sometimes it comes wrapped in a laugh. Other times it shows up after a long story about a relationship that didn’t work, an emotion that felt too big, or a habit someone can’t seem to change.
“There’s something wrong with me.”
I don’t instantly argue with those words. Not because I agree—but because that sentence is usually carrying pain, not logic. It’s an interpretation that comes out of disappointment, shame, or exhaustion.
When someone says this about themselves, what they’re often noticing is a pattern. I keep reacting this way. I can’t seem to fix this. Other people don’t struggle like I do.
And here’s the gentle truth: noticing a struggle doesn’t mean there’s something inherently broken about you. It means you’re human. It means you learned ways of coping that made sense at the time. It means your nervous system, your heart, and your history are all trying to keep you safe in the only ways they know how.
Instead of saying, “Something is wrong with me,” try responding to what you’re feeling with curiosity so you can understand what’s really happening.
“Something hurts.”
“Something needs care.”
“Something in me is worried.”
That shifts the focus from self-criticism to story. From condemnation to compassion.
When you say “something is wrong with me,” you can also pause and ask questions: What just happened that made me conclude this? Was it a mistake? A conflict? A wave of emotion that felt embarrassing or overwhelming?
Then speak to yourself the way you would to someone you love.
If your child, your partner, or your closest friend said, “There’s something wrong with me,” you wouldn’t pile on evidence. You’d lean in. You’d listen. You might say, “Tell me more,” or “That sounds really hard.” You’d ask, “What do you need?” or “How can I help?”
Offer yourself that care.
Then pass it on to others.
Sometimes there is something that needs attention—an unhealthy pattern, a boundary that needs strengthening, a wound that needs tending. But seeking healing is very different from being hard on ourselves.
What the life of Jesus shows us is this:
You’re not a problem to be solved.
You’re a person to be loved.
So is every other human on this earth.
Instead of fixating on what we think is wrong with ourselves or each other, can we remember that truth together today?
Gratefully,
Holley
More for You
* More than Small Talk – Sometimes we say “something is wrong with me” when we don’t achieve a goal we’ve set. If that sounds like you, then our recent episode, Why Your New Year’s Resolution Didn’t Make it to February, will give you a new perspective and practical help!
* 365 Truths – If your heart needs daily reminders of what’s true, you’ll find them in 365 Truths for Every Woman’s Heart. To get started right now, download a free excerpt. You can also read the free YouVersion Bible app plan.
* Online Course – If pain in a relationship is making you say, “something is wrong with me,” then Heal After You’re Hurt is a resource I created just for you. I treasure my folder full of emails from graduates that say, “You helped me feel less alone and gave me what I needed to move forward.”
