Sometimes I want to stop being the me that I am. I’d like to try on someone else’s skin for awhile, climb inside and out of mine, just to know if all minds whirl as mine does, if the same insecurities rattle inside all of our chests.
I’m going to the She Speaks conference in a week and a half. I have already tried on everything I own. I’m convinced that if I find just the right thing then I will be okay, I will be right, they will like me.
Do you know this feeling? I had this idea as an awkward teenager that it would one day go…drifting somewhere into the sky. I would come home to myself and I would not care what others wore, what they thought, if I were cool or not.
But I do care, oh yes, I do.
It’s a shameful thing to admit–like saying I eat gallons of ice cream in the night. But I indulge in this insecurity more often than I’d like. I know good Christian girls aren’t supposed to do so. But I’m not always a good Christian girl. Are any of us?
So I try on shirts, slip on shoes, wonder if I am good, enough, pretty enough, smart enough…
And then yes, I hear it, a whisper in my heart that does say ENOUGH.
This “enough” ends with a period. It is more like a command, a declaration, that works past my insecurity and settles my heart.
The voice of the One Who Loves Me draws me back, tells me I am His, that I am right, and lovely, and just as I am created to be.
I sigh, listen, breathe deeply of these words and will them from head to heart.
I stare in the mirror with new eyes, ones that see perhaps a glimpse of what He does…not the woman I am but the one I am becoming.
She is beautiful because she is loved–imperfections and all.
And this, somehow, for this moment, is ENOUGH.
