I recently came across this piece of writing I did years ago. I had forgotten all about it but it was what my heart needed to hear again that day and I wanted to share it with you too…
I messed up. Again.
I sat on the back deck thinking about what a failure I’d been.
What must God think of me?
I was writing in my journal as I had been every day.
Lately, I felt like God had been impressing on me to only write good things—compliments people gave me, ways He used me, blessings in my life. I didn’t know why He wanted me to do this, but I felt compelled to do it.
But on this morning I sat and stared at the blank page. I began to write about my mistake. I finished and looked at the black and white evidence that I was a failure yet again.
Then I heard a whisper in my heart, “Rip out the page.”
I paused and listened closer, “Rip out the page.”
“God, what are you saying? What do you mean rip out the page? I need to record this mistake. I need to remember it.”
Again the clear message came, “Rip out the page.”
I touched the white page of my journal, now covered with my writing. Then slowly I pulled from top to bottom. The paper made a sharp sound as it separated from the journal. All that was left were a few fragments of white paper where my mistake had once been. The picture couldn’t have been clearer.
It was right there on the clean, white pages of my journal.
God whispered to my heart again. “All of the mistakes and failures that you remember, all the secrets you run from, all the regrets and remorse…they are all gone. Every one of them has been torn from the story of your life. You are forgiven. You are accepted. You are loved.”
My heart was overwhelmed.
I kept thinking about what God had spoken to me on the deck. Later in the morning, I was praying about it again. This time God added something more to what He had whispered.
“Daughter, do you know why I wanted you to keep a ‘good things’ journal? It’s because that’s what my journal about you is like. If you were to read the story of your life, that’s what you would read. Not mistakes or failures, but the times you were a blessing, the ways you please me, the love you show others. The good things I think about you.”
God’s love was so real and strong, so much bigger than I even had imagined.
I realized at that moment that God loves me. He doesn’t just tolerate me. He doesn’t just put up with me because I’m a Christian and he has to. He really, truly loves me.
So wherever you are, whatever mistake you have written in the journal of your life, know that God has ripped it from the pages. There’s only love. There’s only grace. The story of your life is far different than you imagined…and the Author loves you far more than you ever dared to dream.
If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins…who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness.
PSALM 130:3-4 NIV