Real friends love your "no" as much as they love your "yes." #YoureLovedNoMatterWhat

Dear Guilt,

You and I have known each other for quite some time now. My whole life, really. We’ve been close at times. But most often our relationship has been challenging.

For one thing, you’re unpredictable. You show up at parties unannounced. You wake me up in the middle of the night. You sit down by me at awkward times when I’m trying to have a conversation with someone I love.

And you’re sneaky. You wear all sorts of disguises–humility, concern, even godliness. Just when I think I recognize you I find you get a new haircut, throw on a pair of shades, or dress up like someone else.

So, here’s what I’m saying. I think it’s time for us to part ways. Because really, Guilt, we aren’t doing each other a whole lot of good. You push me around. I enable you. It’s not healthy.

I read this passage from a fabulous book called “He Loves Me!” by Wayne Jacobsen. Here’s what he had to say about getting rid of you…

Until God disconnects you from the guilt and fear that drive your own performance, you will miss His love for you. How do you let guilt die? Endure it in His presence. I know that doesn’t sound like much, but it will be enough. Stop doing what you do because you’ll feel bad if you don’t. When you feel guilt and condemnation roll over you like a late-afternoon thunderstorm, simply acknowledge that it is there and offer it to God.

My very wise friend also said this in an e-mail to me when we were talking about you…

Guilt and shame are not tools that God uses to get us to do something He wants us to do, but they are instruments Satan uses to move us away from truth. I think because they mirror conviction (which is a good thing) we think they are of God and that He must be trying to tell us something. But guilt and shame do not match up with the character of God. Conviction does.

I think what she’s saying is you’re an impostor. And I’ve got no time for that sort of thing in my life. I want the real deal–real love, real peace, real joy.

So, Guilt, this is good-bye. You may try to visit but I’m letting you know the welcome mat is officially gone. And when you come you’ll find your room is occupied by someone else who is much more loving, kind, and committed to my growth than you have ever been. Actually, I think I’ll introduce you now…

“Guilt, meet Grace.”

That should have happened a long time ago. It’s really been the Father’s plan all along.


Holley Gerth

P.S. Looking for graduation gifts? You’re Already Amazing, You’re Made for a God-sized Dream and Opening the Door to Your God-sized Dream will encourage the grads in your life! 

Books to encourage you...


Isn't this so lovely?! Don't forget to use the hashtag #YoureLovedNoMatterWhat on Instagram so I can see your beautiful pictures!

Isn’t this so lovely?! Don’t forget to use the hashtag #YoureLovedNoMatterWhat on Instagram so I can see your beautiful pictures!

Welcome to the Coffee for Your Heart weekly link-up! You’re an encourager so I’m asking you to pour out a little love with your words every Wednesday {link-up goes live at 5:30am CST}. Simply write an encouraging blog post and then share it here. Don’t have a blog? You can still write an encouraging comment. If you’re reading this by email, go to to see all the fun and join in too.

Giveaway and Optional Writing Prompt: For the next few weeks, the Wednesday posts are going to be about getting free from the pressure to be perfect. I’ll have an optional writing prompt for you about that topic. If you write about it, link up and include my new book You’re Loved No Matter What: Freeing Your Heart from the Need to Be Perfect in your post somewhere, you’ll be entered to win a God’s Heart for You necklace {U.S. residents only}. Thanks to DaySpring for providing the necklaces! Congratulations to Lori Sautter for winning last week! If you don’t have a blog, you can share today’s post on Facebook, leave a comment here saying you did and answer the prompt in your comment.

The prompt for today was: How would your view of yourself change if you began to think God’s definition of ‘perfect’ is actually ‘wildly different’?

Next Wednesday’s prompt is: What would you say to Guilt? Or perhaps you’d like to write an open letter to Grace?

Pretty please use this button in your blog post so others can easily join in with us {html code in right sidebar}. And when you link up your post, take a moment to leave an encouraging comment on the one that’s linked up just before yours. Thanks, friends!

{Click to tweet that you’re joining me here today!}

About Holley

About Holley

Wall Street Journal Bestselling Author and Life Coach

I like humans, words, and good coffee. And I’d love to help you beat what’s holding you back, become all you’re created to be, and kick butt for the greater good.

Cheering you on,


Never Miss a Thing

Join Holley’s mailing list to receive the latest news, blog posts, and updates

What % Introvert Are You?

 My 1-Minute Quiz Will Tell You

New Book You’ll Love!

Writing Course for You!