Everyday Faith Archives

On Ugly Crying, Lies and Why Jesus Loves Me this I Know

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I woke not to the sound of the alarm clock but lies ringing in my ears…

You’re not good enough.

You don’t have what it takes.

You’re going to let people down.

I wished for an emotional snooze button. In the absence of such a solution, I rolled over and tapped my husband on the shoulder. “I need to go for a walk,” I said.

Outside the grass was still wet, the sky blue, the new morning clean like a baby fresh out of the bath. I decided to tell my husband about the lies my heart kept hearing. Sometimes when you say such things out loud it’s like taking a pin to a balloon. In an instant it’s clear there’s nothing to it, just empty air.

But on this day the opposite happened. Instead of feeling relief I started ugly crying. Right there in the middle of the walking trail. In front of the row of houses with the big windows. The ones whose occupants like to post photos of unusual happenings on the neighborhood Facebook page.

I didn’t know what to do and the tears wouldn’t stop, so I just took off.

Now, I am not a graceful athlete on my best days. I run like a motivated duck. I sweat like I’ve just climbed out of a pond. Add the ugly cry and let’s just say you’re not going to see that photo on the back of a book. I felt just as messy on the inside, entirely undone, beyond the realm of reason or religious clichés.

Yet into that space came one simple phrase, “Jesus loves me, this I know.” I couldn’t think of anything else. It was all I had, all I knew for sure. I started emphasizing a different word with each step…

JESUS loves me this I know.

Jesus LOVES me this I know.

Jesus loves ME this I know.

And somehow, somewhere deep inside those words to a simple children’s song began to restore my sanity.

The world might tell me that I just needed more self-esteem to defeat those lies, to calm my racing heart. But what I needed, most of all, was to simply remember that I have a Savior. That I always have been and always will be loved just as I am.

That’s true in the moments when I ugly cry. In the ones when I let the worst of the lies get the best of me. Also in the entirely different ones when I share my heart in front of a crowd and the applause rolls across the room like gentle thunder (as it would at the speaking event later that night).

My husband caught up with me on the trail (it’s not hard to catch a sweaty duck). He hugged me and walked me home. Once we got there I sat on the edge of the bed, right by the spot where I’d woken up to the loud lies not long before. I didn’t hear them anymore.

Sometimes I think I need to know everything. But I’m finding, more often than not, what I really need is to remember one thing…

Jesus loves me this I know.

XOXO

Holley Gerth

p.s. I have a new devotional releasing September 18th called Hope Your Heart Needs: 52 Encouraging Reminders of How God Cares for You. I’m so excited about it! Each day talks about a different characteristic of who God is and how He loves us. Writing this book changed my life and I truly believe reading it will change yours. It’s available for preorder. And here’s a free excerpt.

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You Matter. You’re Seen. You’re Loved.

by Holley 17 Comments

{my graphics are free goodies for you}

Maybe you’re in a season of rocking babies or caring for aging parents or working on the big project in the office with the door closed. Maybe what you do feels invisible at times. If so, then I want to say, “What’s visible isn’t more valuable.”

God sees us in the shadows of others who seem to be standing more in the spotlight, during the midnight hours meeting deadlines, and in the kitchen making scrambled eggs. God sees all that we do out of our loving hearts as beautiful and precious and worthwhile. The less-visible parts of life aren’t second place; they are sacred space.

It’s almost silent in my house this morning. The only noise I hear is the buzz of the fan above my head. It seems no one sees me right now. But God does, and He calls me beloved. He tells me that what I do matters. He reminds me I have a purpose and I don’t have anything to prove.

Wherever you are right now, the same is true for you.

XOXO
Holley Gerth

P.S. This post is an excerpt from my new gift book Promises from God for Life’s Hard Moments. Get it now from Altar’d State, preorder from Amazon* and find it everywhere books are sold on August 6th. There’s a journal too!

* Affiliate link

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Help for Life’s Hard Moments

by Holley 23 Comments

{my graphics are free goodies for you}

I’m sitting in a coffee shop on an ordinary morning and my courage feels as drained as my latte, nothing but a bit of foam left at the bottom of my cup, nothing but a little hope left at the bottom of my heart.

We all get to this place as humans. It is part of living in this world. God knows this because He lived here too. He understands what it means to skin our knees, lose our grip on dreams, and want to hide under the covers.

I used to think success meant never growing weary. But I have come to understand it means not giving up. It doesn’t mean feeling strong all the time; it’s seeking God in our weakness. It’s not looking as though we have it all together; it’s knowing God alone holds us together. Success doesn’t mean finishing first—it means taking one more step of obedience.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9).

Battling discouragement doesn’t mean we’re failing—it means we’re fighting. Even when we can’t feel it, see it, or even imagine it, our victory is still sure. Not because of us or anything we do, but because of the undefeatable God who lives within us.

XOXO

Holley Gerth

P.S. This post is an excerpt from my new gift book Promises from God for Life’s Hard Moments. Get it exclusively from Altar’d State in July and everywhere books are sold in August. There’s a journal too!

P.P.S. If there’s a wall of balloons you know it’s a real party! I loved having a night of fun and encouragement at Altar’d State with DaySpring to celebrate my new gift book and journal! You can join in and watch the live video below of me sharing 3 Things that Help in Life’s Hard Moments. (Email subscribers, click here to come to the blog post to view the video.)

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Permission to Do Life a Little More Imperfectly

by Holley 19 Comments

We’re halfway through the year (how did that happen?). If you’re anything like me, your shiny new year’s resolutions now feel like a distant mirage in the rear view mirror of your life. So I’m starting a new thing…half-year’s resolutions.

January is idealistic. July is realistic.

January is confetti. July is grit.

January is all-or-nothing. July is do-what-you-can.

I’m choosing one and only one mid-year resolution and it’s this: The Discipline of Doing It Imperfectly. That’s a fancy name for not letting fear stop me. I recently became aware of a tendency I have to procrastinate until I can get things just right. But as the saying goes, “Done is better than perfect.”

So I’m giving myself permission to go for it when I’m at 90% rather than 110%. For example, I recently sent out a survey that I quickly put together asking you to tell me your biggest challenge as an introvert or extrovert. (I want to know this for a project I’m working on for you so that what I create will be helpful to you and others.)

Normally I would have tried to make this survey absolutely perfect, agonized over it for weeks and then never sent it because I’d convinced myself it wasn’t good enough. But this time I just hit “send.” I would have been thrilled to hear from 100 of you…so far almost 2,000 of you have responded! What?! (And thank you!!)

{my graphics are free goodies for you}

One of my favorite quotes of all time is this one by Jill Churchill: “There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.”

I think that’s true of everything we do.

There’s no way to be a perfect friend, wife, second cousin but there’s a million ways to be a good one.

There’s no way to be a perfect writer, painter, birthday cake maker but there’s a million ways to be a good one.

There’s no way to be a perfect human but there’s a million, zillion ways to be a good one.

This is the miracle we live every day because of Jesus: We can do our best and know that grace will cover the rest.

I read once that when folks are asked at the end of their lives about their deepest regrets, they talk most about what they didn’t do. I don’t want that to be true. So let’s be brave on this day halfway through the year. Let’s refuse to listen to the sneaky voice of fear. Let’s chase perfectionism out like a possum who snuck in through the cat door when we weren’t looking.

We still have half a year. I plan to live it imperfectly.

Who’s with me?

XOXO

Holley Gerth

P.S. The Do What You Can Plan is a 21-day challenge that will help you live purposefully, effectively and imperfectly. And it’s half the price of a latte. Get the ebook now. (This post includes affiliate links.)

P.P.S. If you live near Tulsa, I’d love to see you this Monday! (For more info on the event, how to watch part of it live, or the new gift book and journal pictured, click here.)

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It’s Okay If We Don’t Have It All Figured Out

by Holley 25 Comments

When I drive I often become lost in thought, which tends to lead to being lost in my car. The other evening I got off on the wrong exit. No big deal, I told myself, I’ll just turn on this random road. It looks like it goes north. (Never mind that my brain thinks whatever direction I’m facing is north.)

Needless to say, this road did not take me home. Instead it took me into scary places where no one had bothered to put street lights. I was sure Big Foot was going to appear. I heard wolves howling (or they could have been chihuahuas—it didn’t matter at this point). I hit potholes the size of the Grand Canyon. I prayed relentlessly, “Help me, Jesus” because I was sure I would soon meet Him face-to-face.

Then, suddenly, I saw a stoplight. When I pulled up to it, sweaty, exhausted and grateful to be alive, I realized it was the exact same spot where I had taken the original wrong turn. I had, in effect, driven in a square right back to where I started. It had been five minutes. At this point I turned myself over to the GPS, whose voice guided me the rest of the way without further incident.

{my graphics are free goodies for you}

Once the danger had passed I thought of these words from Proverbs 3:5-6 (because everything in my life seems to turn into some sort of spiritual analogy): Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the one who will keep you on track.

It’s the “don’t depend on your own understanding” part that’s hard for me. Because sometimes I just know that I’m right, that I have it all figured out, that I’m heading “north” in whatever decision I’m making. But so often I find myself on a back road where I don’t belong, scared out of my wits and just hoping I’m not about to be abducted by aliens.

When I don’t know where I’m headed in the next moment or day or year I feel stressed and anxious and slightly guilty. I feel like I have to guess or just do my best rather than relying on something outside myself, like the GPS in my car or the Spirit of God within me. I’m in a season that feels this way. And I have been freaking out because of it. Just this morning a friend said to me, “Maybe you’re not supposed to figure this out.” My whole soul sighed in relief at those words.

So just in case you’re wired a bit like me (or love someone who is) let’s tell ourselves all over again: We don’t have to figure everything out on our own.

True confession: Living this way doesn’t feel like “north” to me yet. It feels scary and awkward and as if I’m losing control. But I’m slowly discovering it’s actually what I want and need most. Trust, not trying hard, is what leads me into peace and rest and even joy. It’s the only way home for my wandering, worrying heart.

XOXO
Holley

P.S. If you need a little dose of encouragement each morning (I know I do!), I wrote this for you.

P.P.S. Are you on Instagram? If so, I’d love to connect with you there.

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You’re invited to join the “Let’s Have Coffee” link up! Simply write a post that has the kind of encouragement you’d share with a friend over coffee and then add it here (the link up goes live at 5:30am CT every Wednesday). Don’t have a blog? You can still write an encouraging comment. If you’re reading this by email, go to holleygerth.com to see all the fun and join in too.

When you link up your post, take a moment to leave an encouraging comment on the one that’s linked up just before yours. Thanks, friends!

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